Studies show that when people are told, “You’re the kind of person whose performance improves under pressure,” their actual performance improves by 33%. It doesn’t matter whether the feedback is completely random. What matters is that the message changes the meaning of those first signs of anxiety. Instead of signaling “you’re about to blow it,” the nerves are proof that you’re getting ready to excel. Telling people who are nervous that they need to calm down can convince them that they don’t have what it takes. Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress This is the lesson I taught to my kids this week. A few days after we had this discussion, one of the older ones was screaming about something and my 6-year-old very knowingly said, “She’s upset because she forgot to think, ‘I’m the type of person whose performance improves under pressure.'” After which she conspiratorially added, “Right Mom?” I love when these lessons sink in and become a part of their framing of the world. Mindset
We want life to be as joyful and painless as possible, but the truth is, life is full of ups and downs. True strength comes from learning to thrive in both the beautiful and the heartbreaking times. In her book, Emotional Agility, Susan David says, “One of the greatest human triumphs is to choose to make room in our hearts for both the joy and the pain, and to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. This means seeing feelings not as being ‘good’ or ‘bad’ but as just ‘being.’” Susan David, Emotional Agility We don’t have to fix every negative thing in our lives. We don’t have to remain positive through it all. Sometimes, as David says, “What we really need to do, though, is also what is most simple and obvious: nothing. That is, to just welcome these inner experiences, breathe into them, and learn their contours without racing for the exits.” Susan David, Emotional Agility Next time you are faced with an uncomfortable emotion, quietly think to yourself: feel , breathe , learn . A